Well I was supposed to explain how the rest of last week went. It was mostly uneventful. I did mange to get help with setting up a bank account.
Yesterday, Sunday, was nice. I went to church. And afterwards got coffee with some people and then we ate dinner together. It was yummy. I did not say a lot, but I enjoyed being around them.
Today was rough. I guess I was still in the weekend mode because I really was dreading going to work. The weekend feels insanely short here. I just wanted more time.
But alas I had to head off and I did and I survived. There was nothing different about today than other days, but suddenly in one of my classes before we started playing a game and the kids were all excited and chatty, I had this strange feeling I guess. It felt almost like I was outside of my body. I had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to not do this anymore. I usually quiet the kids down, but I felt so drained I just stood there waiting for the chatting to die down. I was so tired. Tired of talking and saying the same things over and over again. I was glad the game didn’t require lots of talking from me. I’m not being hard on myself. I don’t aim to be perfect. But I know that I probably wasn’t giving my best to some classes.
And my last class was so frustrating today. If they didn’t move I would think they were in a coma. While I can’t get my younger students to stop talking, I cannot get this class to say anything. They will not even answer yes or no questions. Not because they cannot understand me, just because they don’t want to I guess. But it’s super frustrating for me to really encourage speaking and get absolutely nothing back. I have no idea how I can motivate them. Perhaps it is that teenage age. Perhaps they are stressed about final exams at school. Perhaps they are tired. Or maybe not since they are quite chatty and loud when they are speaking to each other in Korean.
Today was just a lot to handle. Not that last week wasn’t. But today was different somehow. In the back of my mind I sometimes consider giving up. But my actions never align with that. I keep pushing through. Today was the first time I really almost gave up. I really felt myself throwing in the towel.
There so many things I like about being here in Korea. There are so many things I would miss if I left. I like my life here even with the challenges of being a foreigner. But this job is the one thing that makes me feel like I could give all that up. Every week I am contemplating about leaving after one year. And every weekend I decide no I want to stay here for awhile at least. And now I’m wondering what that means. Can I really suffer through the week and live only for the weekends? The weekends that feel way too short to me. And it’s not like I get a lot of vacation time here. I don’t know. I really don’t know.
At church yesterday the pastor’s wife asked me how I’m doing with teaching. Like I tell everyone, I said it was going okay and I was still learning. She told me it usually takes 3 months before you get the hang of it. So I probably just need time. I’ll try my best to be patient.
I’ll end this post on a happy note though! Here’s a really cute meal I had last night for dinner. And yes it was very delicious!